Are small businesses the future?
'When the Dirham was invented, 1,400 years ago, it was pegged to the price of a chicken.
Its buying power is the same today'
'In London, God has all the best schools - and so it is that the atheists get all hypocritical'
On Trivium, Greek ideals for education and skateboarding
'The Geekocracy are the 21st-century equivalent of the 19th-century mill owners'
'We would all like to float around on a cloud of unknowing. But it don't pay the rent'
'As I have grown older, I have started to revert to gender stereotype'
'The only booming businesses are booze and payday lenders. No one buys books. The high streets are collapsing'
'I never learnt to ollie, but my son sure as hell will'
'Each ad gives me the chance to pour counter-propaganda down my children's throats'
'Who arrives at the door when the pig has been killed? The Methodist minister'
'My current car cost us £350, but it is not £29,650 worse than a 30-grand car'
'The objection to a shorter working day is snobbish: what would the unwashed do with all this leisure time?'
'Having successfully quit the rat race, I now find myself trying to get back into it'
On sex in the Medieval clergy
'Bore them round the campfire? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves'
'It seems the middle class now feel oppressed in the same way as Marx's 19th century working class'
'Jeremy Clarkson howled with horror and crawled under the table to escape'
'Our target market - people who can't be bothered - doesn't tend to excite advertisers'
'They were expecting a carefree soul, instead they found a man with a furrowed brow'
'The best thing to do after learning new information is to take a nap'
On the joys of keeping chickens
'Professional grammarians are desperate to be down with the kids'
'The sensible option would be to operate from a warehouse in Swindon'
'After two years of neglect, I've remembered how therapeutic gardening can be'
'Every time we upload a thought or a photo, we give our creativity to the digital overlords'
'Can we wipe out the aberrant apostrophe?'
'We need to take education slowly'
'Shopkeepers are the real revolutionaries!'
'The machine told me the flight was closed'
'How allotments could save us £23bn'
'I hung my head in shame at the weeds'
'Embrace error - it makes us human'
'Waggling our hands in the air felt right'
'Tolstoy has been popping up a lot...'
'How grammar can keep you out of jail'
'Why modern travel fills me with horror'
'Do women consider the ukulele sexy?'
'A good bonfire still brings us together'
'My own little mutiny on the bunting'
Poetry = Truth, 'Why Shakespeare's pain is pure poetry'
'Pop music must be live if it is not to die'
' The bohemian spirit is alive and well'
'Gardening beats Valium every time'
'Bring back the spirit of the troubadours!'
'Maybe I'll postpone the weeding for a bit'
'A short walk around my neighbourhood'
'Why love isn't as simple as we think'
'Debating grammar is the cool new thing'
'We took a TV home. I admit I am weak'
'I've ended up living like a deposed Royal'
'I can carry only what will fit in my mouth'
'It was clear we'd need to posh it up'
'South Yorkshire vs Milan? No contest'
'If you see a moth, it's too late...'
'I felt my face was going to explode'
'Now is the perfect time to think food'
'Beware guardian angels bearing gifts'
'It was bailiffs at the door. How mortifying!'
'Everyone started rasping like zombies'
'I just don't want to be on kitchen duty'
'It was like being told off at school'
'Watching celebs is like going to the zoo'
'The bacon sarnie was my idea...'
'I'm going to miss the gurning strangers'
'Enough German folk-rock already!'